Showing posts with label home front. Show all posts
Showing posts with label home front. Show all posts

Sunday, March 15, 2020

HomeFront: Ordning hobostove hack


I like fire, almost as much as I like blades and lights.. but I do not like being on fire. Which is why I like fireplaces and stoves. Whilst it is easy enough to dig a hole or set up a ring of rocks, sometimes a purpose built tool suits the purpose even better. there are times when the full-blown  BBQ is overkill, especially if I hiking and camping.

Systems like the Fire- Box are purpose built and designed expressly to suit this need but as it turns out it is possible to quite easily make your own. I decided to make my own using an IKEA Ordning cutlery rack I had seen on line. The Ordning rack is a 12cm diameter,  18cm tall  stainless steel cylinder 180g with an inwardly rolled lip. The sides are perforated by six sets of 1 cm holes in a 3 x 6 grid. The base also has holes. These holes arced these holes act as the vents  for the fire. In order to improve air flow, I decided to put feet on mine, so I fitted it with quarter inch hex bolts I have fixed with a nut and a washer at the four corners and in the center for stability.

I then used a Dremel with a cutting wheel to cut a door into the side, using the holes as a guide. I cut a 3 x 4 hole hole and folded it inwards from the bottom. This hole became the feed hole, to feed the fire whilst a pot or pan was on top of the fire. Folding the lip inwards provides a platform for the fuel and stability when feeding larger fuel items. I also cut 8 notches in the lip of the cylinder in three pairs in one direction and one set perpendicular to those. These notches are for steel support wires I cut to size to act as a grill and pot support. I used welding rod for these wires as I had plenty.

Lighting the fire was a simple matter of filling the stove with tinder and woodchips and lighting it which I did both through the feed hole and also through the air holes. With just twigs and woodwork off-cuts, I got a nice little fire very quickly and noticed the feet kept the fire off the wet ground which helped it burn. Once it got burning I noticed the smoke coming out of the holes was igniting giving a more complete burn and rendering it almost smokeless. I suspect the metal walls were igniting the flammable wood gas. This increased the efficiency of the stove and reduced tell-tale smoke trail effects.

Putting the grill wires on a provided a stable platform on which to boil water for tea in my enamel mug, but a billy or pot or kettle could have fit just as well. The stove put off some nice radiant heat from just sticks and off cuts, burned very clean and down to basically ash. Once it burnt down I flipped the grill wires off and upended the stove to knock the last of ashes out. Popping the wires in the stove it was cool enough to pick up and pack in minutes.

Its a very lightweight system and requires attention to feed it as it only has a small fuel capacity but it was really easy to use and make. I will think about some kind of cloth bag to put it in to keep the soot off things and keep the wires in place. I look forward to experimenting with cooking on it and seeing how little fuel I can get away with to make a whole meal. 
One of the things I like about this design was the lack of sparks. Even with a quite a strong cross breeze, the stove let few to no sparks escape, the network of holes leading to quite complete combustion as previously noted which in turn reduces fire-risk. I like this because it means reduced risk of fire spreading and less effort being required in setting up fire -breaks, reducing environmental impacts and set up time. Feeding a tent peg through the holes in the base could lend additional stability and with its feet, the stove could be set in a depression or hole to further reduce its impact and also exposure without smothering the fire.

Sunday, March 8, 2020

Home Front: COVID-19 bug-in cache

With the current COVID-19 pandemic scare going on, I thought it prudent to supplement my food stored in case we needed to enact the self-quarantine the Australian government is recommending in the case of exposure.  I suspected something like this might occur so as soon as i heard of an outbreak in China. Mostly due to the risk to supply chains.  Given the reported nature of the virus, in both infection rates and morbidity and mortality, I'm not overly concerned about the disease itself, but rather the disruption to supply lines.

This is the kind of prepping anyone can do and its as simple as picking up a few extra items each time you go shopping. Long lasting staples.  I chose things I like to eat, and things I will take camping.  I didn't pre-stockpile toilet paper which was the panic-buy item of choice  reported and experienced, but some judicial and crafty shopping saw us stocked without issue. Something to note for next time.

That said, here is a quick look at my very quickly and inexpensively put together bug-in food cache. Nothing too exciting, nor anything that will go to waste. this is all stuff  I will eat over time and replenish and build on as time goes on.

Red Feather Butter cans: Providing energy rich fats and good taste, for frying, baking, spreading on bread.
Spam cans 340g A traditional prepping staple. Long lasting, tasty and versatile, has its own opening  system and a Weird Al song and Monty Python skit. 3 year best-by date.  I prefer it sliced or diced and fried but its palatable enough eaten from the can with a spoon if you're in a bind.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bully_beef, this mechanically reclaimed potted meat and rendered lard in a can. Bully Beef. Not a very exciting food, nor especially sophisticated but it is meat, long lasting, ready to eat and can be added to many other foods. 'Pocalypse Stew as well as the traditional 'shit on a shingle". (served on toast like pate) It kind of looks like pet food. 
Noodles: Ramen. packs Two-minute pre-fried noodles in a packet.  Comes with its own seasoning sachets. Best eaten as noodles in soup  (ready in just  2 minutes give or take) or eat dry sprinkling the seasoning on top as you munch. They also make excellent fire starters being dry and greasy. I prefer the "mi goreng" flavor which it includes a chili/sauce/oil sachet for added flavor variety and use in other dishes as needed as well as fortifying the meal.
Baked Beans  555g cans: Beans Beans ,good for the heart. Best served hot, "Fine like this" if you shun compromise and wear an ink blot mask. 
Stew cans, Braised steak and onion;  425g cans. A meal in a can, simple and tasty. good texture and serves two per can.
Soup cans, Chunky bacon and potato x3 505g cans. Another meal in a can, though not quite as satisfying as the stew cans. Better when combined with other foods.
MRE's: from a variety of sources.  Pre-packaged military style meals ready to eat. not fancy but very carefully put together and long lasting.
Water jugs: Every time I go camping I buy one of these 10L-20L bricks and take them to ensure I have clean water for drinking, cooking and even wash-ups. Afterwards I keep the jugs and with some simple cleaning and refilling with tap-water they're good to go for long term water storage.
Powdered Egg mix: 150g, equivalent to a dozen fresh eggs when reconstituted with water. can be used to make scrambled egg or omelette or as a binding agent in baking. 
Sauces/Soup Mix:  I keep the excess sauce packets from fasts food meals and also the soup sachets from ramen packets to act as soup stock and seasoning for other meals, especially the otherwise bland Spam, beans and corned beef. What otherwise might have been throw away I've kept and stored to supplement my meal stores. 
Mac and Cheese kits: x4 boxes 380g "serves 3. contains pasta packet and canned cheese for use as a sauce. Requires only water to cook. The canned cheese can be eaten separately or combined with other supplies. 
Pasta sauce, Jars of tomato paste with flavorsome herbs, good for making stews, pasta and adding flavor and nutrition to any meal.

Can Pie; Steak and Kidney. Pie including pastry in a tin. Designed to be cooked in the tin (Lid off) it is possible to bake the pie in coals, with some coals on top, by partially opening the tin.

In addition to these specific canned good stores i've stockpiled, I have routinely built up supplies, preserved foods like jams and jerky. Dry-goods like rice, beans, flour and sugar i've kept well stocked and stored in DPJ's  along with fruit preserves and even some pickled eggs.



Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Home Front: Rules of Threes (or more)

In survival, the rule of threes is a quick reference guide for how long one can generally stay alive in a survival emergency.

Originally posted on my birthday on Breach Bang & Clear you should go check out the other good reads there too! go there t orea dthe full article. 

Normally, it contains the following:
  •   You can survive three minutes of severe bleeding, without breathable air (unconsciousness generally occurs), or in icy water.
  • You can survive three hours in a harsh environment (extreme heat or cold). Think blizzards, the North Sea, at a Celine Dion concert ...
  • You can survive three days without drinkable water.
  • You can survive three weeks without edible food.







    Monday, May 14, 2018

    Home Front: "pocalypse stew"


    Having a hot meal is a simple way to both bolster morale but also provide much needed nutrition and energy, especially in adverse conditions. Being able to reliably produce a meal can be as good as magic in the field. I had the chance to do so at a recent post-apocalyptic Live action role playing camping trip, whee we had to set up themed camp with a deadline, and a pot-luck dinner had been planned. There was a total-fire ban in place so no campfires were allowed, but portable gas burners were allowed if supervised. I had brought along my SOLIDteknics AUS-ION Noni pot and some apocalypse themed austere ingredients.


    2 x cans corned 340g Hamper Corned beef
    1 x can 822g Edgell potato tiny taters
    2X McDonalds tomato sauce
    2x instant noodle sachets bumbu & fried onions

    The corned beef cans come with a key to open them by twisting the top off. The Tiny Taters can didn't have an easy open option, however, I had my trusty p-51 opener and made quick work of the can. I up-ended the cans of corned beef, which had the texture and appearance of cat-food and set it to sizzling. when the fat had rendered, I poured in the whole can of tiny taters, water and all (waste not, want not) and then stirred it through. This made for a very wet stew so I was glad I had the noodle sachets to add. in they went and then the McDonalds / KFC ketsup. (I save everyone of these I get for just this reason.)


    After a little cooking down, I served it up into the mugs and mess-tins of my compatriots and we had cooked, adult meal to go with the tear-aparts and dips we had combined. It was quite salty (the noodle-bumbu is mostly salt) but palatable and by the next day, there was only half scoop worth at the bottom of the pot.
    Not a pretty meal by a long shot, but it was fast, (taking less than 10 minuted from pile of ingredients to edible food in mugs).

    Different spice and sauce mixes could change the palatability if available but could even be skipped entirely. Canned corned beef has an approximate shelf life of 2-5 years but who knows how long it could last and be safe to eat? Certainly worth considering if outfitting that cabin-in-the-woods or bunker. I certainly keep a couple of cans in my bug-out food crate and you should to!

    Some additional variants that would make improvements to an otherwise very plain meal. A handful of rice, or oats would give additional body, as would dry beans or split peas. Some jerky or even fresh meat scraps would be additional and offer a delightful surprise in some mouthfuls. Bear in mind to soften beans, rice and jerky additional cooking time (and water) will be required. As well as the Bumbu powder sachets saved from ramen noodles, I also save the sauce and oil sachets which can add flavour and body to just about any meal. Remember that fats and oils are an important dietary requirement and energy rich as well as carrying flavours. They also aid in the cooking process if you fry things, so keeping some in your supply is multifunctional.

    Friday, March 16, 2018

    lJ posts - reflections on the past.


    So, back in the day, in the late 2000's I had a LiveJournal into which the first iterations of this blog came to pass.

    A couple of important things were journaled there in my beginnings of documenting preparation things:
    1) my EDC and BUG-OUT bag kits:
    2) Black Saturday 2008/09 fire season:

    my 2007 EDC loadout: Compare with my 2012 version posted here:

    Someone asked me recently if there was anything I didn't have on
    me, and I thought I'd post the list I made afterwards. Not quite a
    Bug-Out-Bag, but at any given time, this is what I carry around with me.

    That's before I even pack things into my bag . . .

    Green Crumpler satchel
    -sharpening tools (diamond stones) x3
    -Alan keys (full set)
    -packaged survival kit-in-a-can
    -cable ties (180x4.5mm) x20 or so
    -waiters friend
    -metal chopsticks
    -9" section of aluminium arrow shaft (my metal straw)
    -titanium splade
    - 90cm wire saw
    -essential oils
    -personal grooming stuff (toothpaste, floss, toothbrush, tissues,
    hairbrush)
    -needles and thread
    -first aid kit (overstocked from Hospital supplies, lube, condoms (you NEVER know))

    Under-vest-Harness
    -Barz prescription polarised goggles
    -wallet (safety pins and needle&thread)
    -work ID
    -USB memory sticks x2
    -Folding C.R.K.T. K.I.S.S. 3"
    -LED flashlight
    -pen
    -iPod
    -PDA
    -aluminium accessory carabineer
    -all elastic hair ties
    -keys on big steel carabineer
    -mobile phone
    -20m nylon cord

    Belt
    -BuckTool multitool (with attached HD magnet)
    -rope kasari fundo (String of Doom)


    Zombie edition EDC (Nov. 8th, 2007)

    So, apart from what I usually lug around (and again, not
    including my lunches, kendo gear twice a week, books, external 300Gb
    hard drives, or the odd 14" cast iron camping hot-plate on occasion),
    here is my theoretical end-of-civilization bug-out-kit.

    Its very similar to the kind of gear I lug about when I got to BIF
    weekends, so I know what I can manage, but there I do it in period-ish
    style. The boar spear is a bit overkill, but, well, that's so me
    isn't it? For non-supernatural disasters, I'd probably leave the spear
    in the car. . . hahaha

    Green Crumpler satchel
    -sharpening tools (diamond stones) x3
    -Alan keys (full set)
    -packaged survival kit-in-a-can
    -cable ties (180x4.5mm) x20 or so
    -waiters friend
    -metal chopsticks
    -9" section of aluminium arrow shaft (my metal straw)
    -titanium splade
    - 90cm wire saw
    -essential oils
    -personal grooming stuff (toothpaste, floss, toothbrush, tissues,
    hairbrush)
    -needles and thread
    -first aid kit (overstocked from Hospital supplies, lube, condoms (you
    NEVER know))
    -Fluid resistant surgical masks
    -food supplement bars ~380Cal/100g
    -30m 11mm static line
    -Petzl Ascension, Shunt, figure 8
    -Hydration pack
    -short bolt cutters

    Camping hip bag
    -20m 5mm dynamic line
    -
    carabineer
     -camouflage waterproof hooded poncho
    -tricks + traps kit
    -20 4" nails
    -mini gas stove + bottle
    -battery free induction flashlight
    -Swedish Army fire steel
    -collapsible bowl/sink
    -lensatic compass
    -LED head lamp
    -enamel mug
    -CRKT Stiff KISS knife (l.hip)

    Under-vest-Harness
    -Barz prescription polarised goggles
    -wallet (safety pins and needle&thread)
    -work ID
    -USB memory sticks x2
    -Folding C.R.K.T. K.I.S.S. 3"
    -LED flashlight
    -pen
    -iPod
    -PDA
    -aluminium accessory carabineer
    -all elastic hair ties
    -keys on big steel carabineer
    -mobile phone
    -20m nylon cord

    Belt
    -BuckTool multitool (with attached HD magnet)
    -rope kasari fundo (String of Doom)

    Ontario 30" Blackwind sword (l.hip)
    Fiskars 23.5" splitting axe (r.shoulder)
    Arcteryx climbing harness
    Dainese body armour+2nd back plate
    Leather work gloves (over)
    Latex examination gloves (under)
    Armoured shorts (street hockey)
    Shin + knee armour (street hockey)
    HiTech GP boots
    Cold Steel boar spear





    2008 Fire Prep



    Sunset, Friday night, from Belgrave shops. The Sun looked like a cherry, and i could look right at it without blinking.


    I've fought fires before, and know what it is like to get embers and ash in your eyes, nose and mouth, the length keeps it out of ears, and the back of my neck. I have practice wearing head-dresses, they are very comfortable.




    suede doesn't ignite easily, and is easily made damp, the goggles are polarised and i have tended fires with them and they are really good at smoke and ember protection, and the 9 LED light is, well, brilliant.

    wearing this, i can protect my head from radiant heat, and ember attack for any expose to the fires i may get. Better prepared is better better protected.


     Belgrave Fires
      fires all downgraded to "safe" still, going to be vigilant


    We are on the other side of the valley, and the wind is going the other way. No smoke, no embers. Elvis the water bomber and a couple of Huey's have been back and forth for the last hour, but they have stopped.

    We are standing by to put our fire plan into action if needs be.

    Gutters are stopped up and water-filled, buckets and mops ready.
    My PPE is ready, the car is fueled we are going to gather the essentials and have them ready, just in case.
    My neighbors are on their deck's talking loudly on their phones and laughing. I am not planning to leave just yet.


    FiresFeb. 8th, 2009 at 7:04 PM

    66 dead, 700 homes, 2 towns -gone-, not damaged,

    GONE

    we're fine, its rained overnight and today, which has made everything extra damp, which is great

    details of the scope of the disaster here:

    in the advent of fire, my family will evacuate at first sign, and i will stay and defend the house. i have several contingency plans, and have witnessed bushfire and grass-fires before.

    a locally living buddy has selflessly volunteered to come and help me, if needs be, he's "just down the hill" and its always good policy to "dive-with-a-buddy"

    just so you all know, and before you tell me off . . .
    i have been told, in no uncertain terms, that i am not to "be a hero" and die for my home. i can live with that, i have a lot to live for.

    Wednesday, January 31, 2018

    Review: "Rambo" mini machette


    One of the self-appointed stoke rehab tasks I set myself was to clear some of the backyard jungle, to make way for an over-arching clean-up we badly needed. Normally for brush-clearing I would turn to my Ontario Blackwind, or perhaps one of my other-mid-ranged sized blades, or even turn to my petrol powered brush-clearer, but I wanted to get some physical exercise and didn't want to be swinging long-blades round where there were metal-posts and the like in there field of fire.

    As it happened, I had had this particular blade sitting on the shelf, never used. The backyard jungle is clogged with morning glory vine. It's a fast growing and tenacious vine and needs a fair mount of chopping to get through it. I thought this would really do the trick. Weighing in at 1.25kg (2.75 lbs) with an overall length of 37 cm (14.5"). The blade makes up a hefty 20cm (8") of that.

    See the rest of the article here on Breach Bang & Clear!


    Tuesday, November 21, 2017

    Home Front: Big Dumb Blocks


    As first seen on Breach Bang & Clear: Big Dumb Blocks

    Following the recent mass-casualty vehicle attacks in Charlottesville and New York City, I'm prompted to finish a piece I've been working on related to these tragic and horrific incidents.

    Back in January 2017, a dude out on parole thought he'd dodge a police pursuit by driving through a crowded pedestrian mall in Melbourne on a Friday afternoon during school holidays. Within the thronging crowd, 35 were injured — two critically — and by the end of the rampage, four people (including ten-year-old Thalia Hakin, 22-year old Jess Mudie, 33-year old Matthew Si, and an unidentified 25-year old man) died on the scene.

    Five-month-old Zachary Bryant later died in hospital, while his two-year-old sister survived her injuries. Ten days after the attack, 33-year-old Bhavita Patel died in hospital.

    Police officers rammed the car and the driver was shot in the arm before being arrested. He was charged with six counts of murder and 28 counts of attempted murder.

    Read the full article here on Breach Bang & Clear














    Tuesday, September 5, 2017

    Home Front: Shooting in Melb

    When I came home from work Monday night (6/6/17) a couple of months ago now I walked down the dark street to my car, before driving to collect my littlest one from after-school care, secure in the knowledge that I was probably the scariest thing walking the streets of my green-leafy, upmarket suburb. The fact that there was a helicopter holding station not far away didn't bother me in the slightest. We live near a major highway and there are often accidents. They didn't have a spotlight going so I figured they weren't looking for anyone, nor were they in a search pattern, but were just hovering at altitude. After I collected my little one they were still up there, so I cheerfully pointed them out and she asked if they were chasing robbers. I replied I didn't think so, and we headed home.
    Dinner was hot out of the oven and we sat down to lasagna and cartoons, with candles just for the hell of it. Halfway through the second episode of The Croods, a loud pop got our attention. We thought it might have been one of the candles, and gave it little further thought. About twenty minutes later our eldest daughter, media savvy Mz19, burst in from her Overwatch gaming saying, "There's been a shooting in Bay Street, it's on the news". We scrambled for our devices and checked. The last time someone had said "Turn on the news!" like that had been on 11th September, 2001. The news that was unfolding was that in our quiet, little, rich old retirement home suburb of Brighton, a hostage situation had ben unfolding.

    We had missed the drama in its entirety, apart from the buzzing helo, by virtue of the fact that our slow-cooking Lasagna had needed nothing from the Coles supermarket down the street. I had turned left instead of right, so had missed the police cordon and shootout.

    A Melbourne man, who was later named by Chanel 7 News as Yacqub Khayre, a young Somali refugee, had booked an escort from an escort agency, and had shot and killed an Australian national born in China who was the clerk at an apartment complex. The escort had been tied up and taken hostage and the gunman also placed a call to Chanel 7, in which he made a declaration on behalf of ISIS. Police were alerted by Chanel 7 and reports of an explosion at the apartments, and responded rapidly. The area was cordoned off, locals were instructed to stay in their homes, and foot traffic was directed to the local Coles supermarket.
    The ensuing two-hour siege ended when the gunman emerged and began firing at police with an illegal  sawed-off shotgun. Two officers were injured in the hand and one in the neck. “Fortunately they are okay,” reported Police Chief Commissioner Graham Ashton. “Two of them are currently at hospital. One was treated at the scene and [the others] are still going under medical treatment. They are non-life-threatening [injuries] which is what we’re grateful about.”
    Khayre was killed at the scene. Twenty to thirty shots were reported, with some new sources reporting it as "like machine gun fire." Given the solid professional reputation of the Victorian State Police, especially their SWAT-equivalent Special Operations Group, I was filled with relief that not only had they gotten the bad guy but that we, two blocks away, were never in any danger of him having gotten away and interfering with our quiet evening. As the saying goes. "Don't mess with Victorian cops, and especially don't mess with the SOGgies!" The hostage was released, distressed but unharmed.

    As it turns out, the gunman was known to police already and was on a terror watch list. Yacqub Khayre had faced court in 2009 over a plot to bomb a Sydney army base. He was acquitted of these charges, but was later convicted on other violent offenses. Reportedly it was a clumsy plan, hatched in Melbourne in 2009, which, if successful, could have lead to the deaths of many Australian soldiers at Sydney’s Holsworthy army base. A 2010 trial revealed that Khayre had traveled to Somalia to look for clerics to give their blessing for the plan. His legal team had argued that he was looking for religious enlightenment and harbored no plan to wage jihad in Australia.Three other men were convicted over the plot to open fire on service people with high-powered weapons. The response by the counterterrorist branches has been comforting and  reassuring and as yet, no solid links have been released to the public.
    "At the scene, when this person first arrived there, a man was shot, we believe, by the gunman," Victoria Police Commissioner Graham Ashton revealed on Tuesday morning. “He was an employee of the serviced apartments, so he appears to have been in the wrong place at, unluckily, the wrong time.” It has also been supposed that the incident was contrived in a bid to lure the police to the Bay Street complex, which it did, thankfully to a fairly mediocre end result.

    Commissioner Ashton also told Channel 7 news, “Nothing thus far will suggest to us that this was planned or done in concert with others." Asked if he believed the gunman lured police to ambush and kill officers, Mr Ashton said, “It’s a possibility (but) we don’t know whether that was the case. Certainly a booking was made to see an escort at the premises. He then turned up at the premises with a firearm. That’s all been weighed into the calculations but we haven’t found anything like a note or any comment around that so far." Counterterrorism police have investigated Khayre's background, with enquries ongoing. The crime scene has been handed over to the coroner with homicide police assisting with the investigation, Commissioner Ashton added.

    So the mystery of the hovering helo and the strange dinner time pop had been solved, our parents had been rung and reassured that nothing was amiss, and we bundled off to bed. I locked the screen door and fitted the extra latches, mostly so I didn't "accidentally" open the door, tomahawk in hand, and end up face to face with a SOG patrol if they decided to go door to door, rather than out of any particular fear of late night Jihadist door-knockers.
    Tonight I stepped off my train from work and came face to face with a couple of strapping lads from the Protective Services branch who were on duty at my station. I was very pleased to see them. It's reassuring that we have patrols at the stations at night, which can be dark and lonely places, especially in light of our little local excitement the day before. This service had been ongoing for  number of months now. It's not a knee-jerk and North Brighton where I live isn't especially needful of it, but it's reassuring all the same.
    I had an email from my daughters school, letting us all know about counseling services available if needed, which was also really nice. A couple of good links for helping kids with coping with terrorism are here:
    https://www.psychology.org.au/psychology-topics/talking-to-children-about-terrorism/
    http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-12-23/illustrated-guide-coping-traumatic-news/5985104

    Given we don't watch TV news as a general rule and we didn't witness anything directly, the only thing my little one was exposed to was an always-exciting helicopter in the night sky.
    So in closing, even though he himself claimed it and the Daesh-heads themselves then claimed it, I think this was more a case of chip-on-shoulder suicide by cop than anything more sinister. My sympathies for the family of the wrong-place wrong-time clerk, and the now-named and publicly shamed gunman's family, and of course, the injured officers. I hope their scars earn them free drinks at the pub for years to come. Lastly and certainly not least, spare a thought for the traumatized escort who was held hostage by the dead asshole. I wish her a speedy recovery and many easy-to-work-with and big-tipping clients in the future.

    Congratulations asshole, you murdered a bell-hop and brutalized a sex worker. You're not a martyred soldier, you're barely even a season ending episode of SVU.
    We're not terrorized, we're barely even annoyed.



    Monday, March 27, 2017

    Talkin' Strayin! (Aussie Slang, A through D)


    So, some of you readers may have noticed a slight antipodean lilt to my writing's accent. It's not all con. I spell aluminium and colour weird, and you should wait till you hear me talk! I confuse people all over the world, with my mixed up spoken vernacular and messed up "vaguely "not from roun' here accent.... that said, I feel maybe I can add something to common understanding, and perhaps improve international relations by offering a quick overview of some of the more colourful idioms of common Australian conversation you might come across if you get stationed with some, or even just shoulder up to one of our innumerate backpackers at a bar somewhere cheap and dingy ...


    Now, Australians are renowed for being fairly potty-mouthed, and I hope you're adult enough to handle rude word on the internet. if not, go check out the fun kids on 4Chan, but the key is that its all in good context (we hope).

    First up: "Ozzies" vs "Aussies." It's pronounced like OZZY OSBOURNE, not HOUSE_EEEEE or AHHHWWW-SEEEE


    I'm going to cover some simpler terms and phrases that may confuse and conflate your communications, then explain and use them in context.

    Agro: aggravated (abbreviated). "Hey don't get all agro with me mate, not my fault you didn't pack wet weather gear."
    Arvo: afternoon (abbreviated). "Hey Cheer up rain should clear by tomorrow arvo!"
    Average: sub-standard. Poor performance. Sarcasm. "Thanks mate, the forecast has been pretty average this whole trip."
    Bags: to call claim on, like dibbs. "Chicken's here. Bags the drumsticks!"
    Battler: an underdog struggling on regardless. "Get a load of these poor battlers. Cold, wet, miserable, and not a Nintendo DS amongst them."
    Boff: to have casual sex. "So there we were in the middle of the storm, just battling on, then these two just boffed right there on the pool table, lights out for miles around."
    Bottl-o: abbreviation of Bottle-shop, a Liquor store. "Let's swing past the bottle-o on the way and grab some beers for the party, mate."
    Bogan: a uncouth and uncultured ruffian (from Boggan, a kind of troll/gnome). "Man, the bottle-o was full of bogans, huffing paint."
    Bloody: an verbal amplifier. "That wasn't just a good concert mate, it was bloody brilliant!"
    Bloody brilliant: very good. "So there we were in the middle of the storm, just battling on, then these two just boffed right there on the pool table, lights out for miles around. It was bloody brilliant!"
    Barbie: a BBQ grill (charcoal or gas), or the act of cooking at one at a party. "Bloody brilliant barbie, mate. We're just gonna swing past the bottle-o for some more beers."
    Bastard: a person who is unliked or unlikable. They may also be a dear friend or no relation at all. May also be an insult to someone being a prick. "Look at all these bastards, trying to merge into the off-ramp. Some poor bastard must have had a bingle up ahead in all the rain. And there's this bastard. Leaning out to take pictures on his bloody phone...get yer head in, ya' soppy cunt."
    Bunnings Sausage sizzle: Bunnings, a big hardware/lumber chain, puts on sausage BBQs for local charities. For a "gold coin" ($1/$2) you can get a sausage, and sauce on a slice of buttered white bread. Grilled onions and soft drinks extra. Makes a weekend hardware crafting run a dining experience. "After Davo's piss-up barbie on Friday night we had to swing past Bunnings to replace the busted lawn chairs. Sausage sizzle was lifesaving hangover cure, mate."
    Bludge: to be lazy and skate or shirk work or effort. Often in relation to the unemployed. "That bludger say he can't work because of his back but I saw him playing footy." It's a serious insult to call someone a bludger, suggesting they're shirking duty or leaving others to do the work, which is rather in-Australian.
    Barrack: to support or cheer for a side. To "root" has a different meaning to Aussies. "I started off barracking for the Bulldogs like my dad but they're crap so I switched to the Mighty Magpies. They're doing bloody brilliant this season."
    Cobber: a guy, a dude, a fella. "That cobber is a true blue battler. Right as rain he is."
    Chuck: to vomit. "After the piss-up at Tommo's I didn't think I'd ever eat again. I even chucked when we drove past the Bunnings Sausage Sizzle."
    Chucking a na-na: - temper tantrum. From baNA-NA . "The Sergeant Major chucked a right na-na after his dog ran in front of the convoy. Squashed flat it was."
    Chucking a wobbly: see chucking a na-na .
    Chucking / hanging a U-ey: making a U-turn whilst driving. No drifting or bootlegger turns required, but sound effects welcome.
    Dag: the matted faecal matter hanging from the back of a sheep. A mild jibe to indicate someone is bit lame or uncool. Suitable for schoolteachers to address wayward kids. Equivalent to Huckleberry or dingleberry. "Take those off, you big dag. Who wears sunglasses inside at night?"
    Cunt: derisive insult. Nowhere near as taboo a term in Australian culture as in American. It's still not nice conversation, but not a deadly insult either. "Sure, my dad's a bit of a cunt, but at least he's not a bloody bludger like yours."
    Dart: a cigarette. Often hand rolled. "Chuck us a dart mate, I'm off for a smoko."
    Dobbing: telling on someone; finking/tattling/ratting on. For personal gain. Viewed with much contempt. "It was a total bludge job mate, right until those dobbers from level seven chucked a wobbly."
    Dead set: True, dependable, fixed or sturdy, decided or final. "If you're dead set on crossing the Nullarbor in that junk heap, you might want to chat to Ol' one-eye Joe, first. Fella is a dead-set legend in these parts, mate."
    Don't come the raw prawn with me: don't try to fool me in an area I'm experienced in. "I need the carburetor for a 1968 Holden Commodore. Don't come the raw prawn with me, mate, that one's for a 1972 Ford Fairlane".
    Democracy sausages: voting in Australia is compulsory. To help reduce the sting of having to waste perfectly good Saturday mornings, it's traditional for polling stations to also host a sausage sizzle and bake sale on election day. "I don't care which of the bastards wins, I got me my Democracy sausage so I'm good for four years."
    Dog and bone: telephone. Rhyming slang. "One of those bastards from level seven on the dog and bone again, dobbing on the bludgers from section three. AGAIN. AVERAGE."
    Donger: A penis. "She threw him the can, but it was wet from the Esky, right? So I slipped it and it got him right on the donger, pinned him to the chair it did, thought he mighta spewed right there at the table."
    Drongo: a mild insult, equivalent to a dumbass.
    Durry: a cigarette. abbreviated from Dunhill. "give us a fuckin' Durry, ya cunt"
    Dry as a dead dingos donger: thirsty. Dingos (the semi-native wild dog) which die of dehydration, often get baked into hairy jerky by the unforgiving Australian sun. "Pass me a beer, mate, this one's as dry as a dead dingo's donger."

    SDI

    And for your further education here is some of the above in play, by contemporary real Australian comedians: Neel Kolhatkar and the Aussie Man....

    australia is not racist ..
    aussie compliments
    aussie insults
    australia in 2x minutes
    australian media
    more australia in 2 minutes


    aussie man reviews
    aussie man reviews uncovered

    Enjoy!!

    (Stay tuned for F-N and M-Z)




    Wednesday, January 18, 2017

    Home Front: Old Melb Gaol grounds.

    So .. .long time no post from me.

    LONG STORY SHORT: I had a "massive stroke" that was luckily caught really early so I have been making " a remarkable recovery" at the expense of a lot of motivation, but here's my return to writing ..

    Museum trips are something that are good for us as a family but we took  a chance on a variation and visited the infamous Old Melbourne Goal one weekend and I was struck by its castle-like construction, and thought it would be an interesting site to add to my list of bug-in locations; following on from Ikea, self-storage facilities and the like.

    The Old Melbourne Goal is a retired corrections facility,  built between1843 and 1864 during the Gold Rush,  and  expanded  between 1852 and 1854; the construction using bluestone instead of sandstone. 

    The design was based on that of British prison engineer Joshua Jebb, and especially the designs for the Pentonville Model Prison in London (which suited the current prison reform theories at the time). The boundary wall also being extended during this time. In 1860, a new north wing was built; which included entrance buildings, a central hall and chapel. Between 1862 and 1864, a cell block was built for female prisoners on the western side – it was basically a replica of the present east block (until this time, female convicts were not kept apart from the male prisoners).[4]


     Started in 1843 and not finished until 1864, the ironstone perimeter wall, and the gaol overall, was completed; making it a dominant feature of authority on the Melbourne skyline.

    As the Gaol was progressively decommissioned, the building’s fabric, including bluestone grave markers of executed prisoners, was incorporated into a sea wall at Brighton in Victoria in the 1930s. The grave marker for Martha Needle, executed in 1894, has recently been rediscovered after being buried by metres of sand.


    The Second Cell Block is scientifically significant as an illustration of the Pentonville type gaol based on the universal specifications of the British prison engineer Joshua Jebb. The complex of buildings is historically significant for its role as Melbourne’s oldest surviving gaol and as the Remand, Trials, Debtors and Females prison for the metropolitan area for much of its functioning life. The site of the whole extent of the original complex is archaeologically significant in so far as it contains remnants of the original gaol structures and the site of the original burials of prisoners hanged at the gaol, including Ned Kelly.  That old style construction is what made it appeal to me.  Thick, thick solid bluestone walls and fittings, made to last! The current facility features the large securing wall, with heavy metal gates and barred windows still in place to keep the general public out...

    Garden beds line the walls in its current setting, the large forecourt big enough for concert marquis to be set up ... outside the main cell block but still within the thick and high external walls.

    The main cell block is three stories with iron gantries and stairs connecting the floors. Electric lighting has replaced the gaslights originally fitted, but light is supplemented by vaulted windows in the walls and the ceiling.









    Based on the Pentonville prison style, It had a central hall with five radiating wings, all visible to staff at the centre. This design, intended to keep prisoners isolated – the "separate system" first used at Eastern State Penitentiary in Philadelphia – was not, as is often thought, a panopticon. Guards had no view into individual cells from their central position. Pentonville was designed to hold 520 prisoners under the separate system, each having his own cell, 13 feet (4 m) long, 7 feet (2 m) wide and 9 feet (3 m) high with little windows on the outside walls and opening on to narrow landings in the galleries.[2]  The cells currently are empty but for museum fittings, and the occasional replica mattress... barely big enough for a Tactical Baby ...




    Each cell comes with its original door, complete with portal and two-stage lock. With a little work the doors could be rigged to open and lock from the inside, if you don't care about the Heritage listing and have powertools...

    There is also a window set high into the outside facing wall which allows a considerable amount of light and air into the rooms.

    The floors are polished, these days, which helps to keep it clean. There is also a drain hole set into the bottom corners of the rooms, allowing them to be washed and to drain out over the outer wall... Reports from the time suggest the cells were "admirably ventilated", a visitor wrote, and had a water closet, though these were replaced by communal, evil-smelling recesses because they were constantly blocked and the pipes were used for communication..... as horrid as that sounds.




    On the top floor there were double sized rooms, with double windows, and are currently fitted out with lounges for when the Gaol is hired as a social venue for events! Back when they were in use as prisons, Mental disturbances were common. An official report admitted that "for every sixty thousand persons imprisoned in Pentonville there were 220 cases of insanity, 210 cases of delusion, and forty suicides".[3] However, conditions were better and healthier than at Newgate and similar older style prisons.
    That said, the renovated and cleaned for public viewing cells were clean, neat and presentable, if sparse. outside bars, behind smoked glass, reduce the prison-cell aspect slightly, and keep the weather out. even in high summer, he facility is cool, due to the high vaulted ceilings, and by virtue of the thermal mass of the bluestone construction.


    The ironwork is all sound, the stairway and gantries as well as bars are all in good order. lending the site a very sturdy, robust and long lasting feel. The wash houses and kitchen facilities are not open to the public, so its hard to say what they are like, ut there is certainly lots of space to accommodate both many inhabitants, but also by cross-purposing:storage and amenities on site.

    So. Given its age pre-dates running water I suspect it will have or have easily  restorable water reservoirs or at least drainpipes that could be diverted. The courtyards are already fitted with raised garden beds and the makings of vertical gardens all behind the heavy walls and bars of HM Prison Melbourne!the garden beds around the inside of the outer wall could also be converted for crops. Plenty of space in the courtyards,so given water and exposed soil, there could be land enough to grow substantial crops in a secure environment... not unlike the rather more flimsier-perimeter walled West Georgia Correctional Facility ... 

    So, it may not be that prisons, active or retired make excellent refuges in a post-disaster setting, but what they lack in amenities and comfort hey certainly make up for in security and robust design. These are places built to last ... inexpensively and generally in harsh settings.

    The Old Melbourne Gaol would certainly seem like a secure and defensible bug-out destination, if the food and water situation could be addressed, and there is much to be said for getting as far from civil centers as possible. However, you'd be hard pressed to find a more castle like site near where I live, should you be of a fortification minded perspective, as I am ...

    Of note is that  in 1974, several buildings in the complex have been given over to the Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology and were refitted as college style teaching facilities; The Melbourne Gaol's main entrance gates, governor's residence, female hospital, service wing, bath-house and chapel were constructed in 1860-61. Collectively these facilities are known as RMIT Building 11. Architect: Colonial Government Architect. Remodelled for the food and fashion departments of the Emily McPherson College by architects Eggleston, McDonald and Secomb in May 1974. The bath-house and chapel now serve as art studios.

    So, all told. I was impressed with the potential the old Melb Goal showed as a bug-out stronghold and in the event of som kind of society-crumbling event, it would appear well suited for re-purposing into a reasonably simple to maintain and defend keep.








    Even with its modern restorations and conversions, and lack of internal resources, its imposing structure and history lend itself to the mind as a suitable "fall of civilization" fall-back point. Imagine a supermarket resupply semi-trailer parked in the main courtyard, and corn and cabbage in the vegetable plots, barrels of water filled by re-routed gutters, street-facing windows blocked up ...... solar panels and windmills.


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