Talking Australian pt 3

See Part 1: A-D here.

See Part 2: F-S here.


Language Lessons on Breach Bang & Clear!: Talkin' Strayin' S-Z according to ME: Apocalypse Josh

So, the time has come to draw a close to my A to Z of Aussie lingo. I hope its been educational and amusing, and prevented more punch-ons than it started. These are by no means complete lists, and the lingo is heavily regional and varies in different communities, but I hope I've give a broad enough basis to communicate with any stray Aussies you might come across and maybe even interpret for them. In this final segment, we'll cover from S - Z and discuss some pretty obscure Aussie terms. Enjoy!

Shag: To have sex, a milder term for fuck, but only having a sexual connotation. "We were at Dave-o's party and there was this Sheila from out of town there, someone's cousin, and I really wanted to shag her, but, it wasn't happening, mate. She'd had too much to drink, and I'm a gentleman".

Sheila: A girl, a chick. Diminutive term for a generic female person. "They all piled out of the wreck, lucky no one was hurt. Three dudes and a Sheila. She looked a bit flustered, and one of the dudes got on the phone to call someone and the Sheila started yelling at him to call the cops, but they weren't having none of that."

Snag: A Sausage, like a bratwurst or Frankfurt. There are myriad kinds of sausage in the Australian culinary line-up. The humble snag is really the simplest and least glamorous, perfect for a Saturday morning Bunning's Sausage sizzle or other mass-public catered event. "Sure mate, bring them and the kids, we'll throw some snags on the barbie and everyone can go for a dip in the pool."

Snap: A response to a simultaneous event or phrase. Used much like "jinx". Originates from the simple make-a-pair card game of the same name. "Macca's run? Macca's run! SNAP!"

Sannga: A contraction of sandwich, equivalent to "sammich." Generally a simple two-slices of bread and one ingredient bachelor-grade meal. "I'm afraid all I can offer you is a cuppa and a cheese and vegemite sannga. Not even an snags left, that mob cleared me right out!"

SAUCE!: Made not of chocolate or apples, but tomatoes. What would usually be called ketchup is just called sauce in Australia. Good on snags, burgers and chips. Not to be used on steak, unless you're a monster. Could be put on pasta, but not where your Italian neighbor's gonna can see, or it's the wooden spoon for you!

Specie: A sporting term referring to the "spectacular" aerial tackles of "Aussie Rules Football" in which one player runs up or otherwise climbs up an opponent to intercept and catch an incoming football, marking and thus securing it for their side for the next play. Quite a rough technique that can lead to impact and cleat-related injuries on the marked player, and to the performer upon landing due to the heights attained and the marked player's movements. Also used as the cheer for when such an event takes place, on or off the field. "We were at Stevo's wedding and when they threw the bouquet, up comes this Sheila, Sheryl, from three rows back and just goes mental, chucks a speccie, up over the bridesmaids and takes it, but didn't stick the landing, did her ankle, had to call an ambo .. not pretty."

SUSS: Contraction of "suspect." Suggesting something isn't quite right, or in some way tainted or illegal. "The whole unit couldn't be any more suss if it were run out of a van parked behind a Target, where a guy called stinky Pete who wears a raincoats all year long makes belts out of shopping bags. But, we elected them."

Spew: Vomit, to vomit, to chuck. "Mate, pull over quick, I'm gonna spew, hurry, hurry. BLAAAAARRRGH, too late."

Sun's coming down like an anvil on a nail: Colloquial expression indicating a very hot, overpoweringly sunny day. Could also be used as an authority figure in response to wrong doing. "If I hear about any of you blighters trying to shag those exchange students, I'll be coming down on you like an anvil on a nail, understand?"

Texta: The Brand name of a felt-tipped marker. Kids coloring pens. Generally not permanent markers for those, it's usually a Sharpie. "Hey, I found these Textas's in the porta-crapper, figured we could use them for maps. But we need to get some sharpies, cause those dick pics just wipe off."

Tea time: Dinner. Supper as a meal term is not used much in Australian conversation, but "tea time" is fairly common. Not to be confused with a tea-break, which is equivalent to a coffee or smoke break. "Go out if you want but if you're not home by tea time there'll be hell to pay."

Trooper: A person showing resilience, especially through adversity. Also the private rank in the ADF. "Look at Trooper Marra there, yomping up that hill, in full pack in the rain. Pack's as big as he is. What a bloody Trooper! Credit to the Regiment he is."
[Edit from the peanut gallery:Pretty accurate, Trooper is not the Private rank of the ADF however. A Private in an Armoured Corps is called a Trooper, same with SASR. Infantry Privates are just Privates though.]

Root: A coarse equivalent to shag. Also to break. "Mate, I could totally do with a root.

Rooted: To break something or have sex. "Can I get a lift down to the servo for smokes? The car's rooted"

Pie: The idea of what constitutes pie differs between Australia and North America. In North America a dinner plate-sized baked desert under a pastry crust is "just like mom used to make." However, in Australia the pie is a savory dish. Sized like a hamburger, filled with minced 'beef" and gravy, in an all-enclosing crust, and eaten with care because "Caution: contents HOT". A squirt of tomato sauce and you have yourself a hot, almost nutritious meal when at the footy, on the building site, or between classes.

Pissed: To get angry, or drunk, sometimes both. Derived from the term "piss" which refers to booze. "So the boss came down from section five and was seriously pissed. After the shellacking he gave us, we're gonna all need to get pissed tonight!"

Piss-up: Drinking party, a kegger. A most Australian of conventions, usually centered around a BBQ. The piss-up is rarely the advertised formal goal, but it just takes a bit of imagination, a wink and a nod to escalate from "just a barbie at Kev's" to a full on piss-up over a long weekend.

Piss off: Dismissive insult, also a negative reply. Can be used in a variety of contexts including to depart an unpleasant situation. "So I told him if he was that pissed off that Davo's kids BBQ wasn't a piss-up, that he could pack up and piss off, right smart."

Povo: Poor, a contraction of "poverty stricken". Often used as an excuse for not taking part in some shared activity, or potentially to escape paying one's share. More often than not it's a legitimate plea for aid. "Sorry mates, I'd love to chip in but rent was due and the kid's birthday, so I'm totally povo till next pay".

POETS Day: Piss Off Early Tomorrow's Saturday, a cute way of saying "I'm pissing-off and taking the rest of the day as a Poets Day." Perhaps there will be wine, beer, or dancing on bar-tops with a tie around one's head. The important thing is there is a long standing Aussie tradition of "knocking off early once the work is done, and going for a drink".

Where ya goin'? To the pub?: A self answering question. Usually asked in pairs, and often obvious. Another Australian quirk. "Is it wet out? Maybe I better take a coat?"

Westie: The majority of the Australian urban populations tend to live along the Eastern coast, from Cairns and Brisbane in the north, Sydney further south, and in the more bayside cities of Adelaide and Melbourne (where I live). It seems a socioeconomic effect of being far from the coast is that the less affluent suburbs are further west. In keeping with the fine Aussie tradition of abbreviation these folks are called "Westies" and generally looked down upon by the more sophisticated Eastern suburbanites.

Yeah nah: An acknowledgment and negative reply all in one. "I have heard and understood you, but I disagree." A polite way of declining. "Maccca's run? Yeah-nah. I'm povo." The inverse, "Nah-yeah," can also be used as appropriate.

Yeah-yeah-nah: An expansion of "Yeah nah." "I have heard and understood you, I agree but I have to decline." Sometimes you can concur with the situation but not be able to do anything about it.

Yobbo: A special kind of hoodlum, causing trouble and being obnoxious. "What is that noise? Is it bin night? Is it a riot? No, its just some yobbo's coming home early from the pub! PULL YOUR HEADS IN, you Westie Dickheads!" Derisive, and counter to the usual appreciation of someone who bucks the system. Nobody likes a yobbo.

Wedges: Finger sized slices of potato, with skin on, deep fried and often served with our cream and sweet-chili sauce. As distinct to the rectangular, peeled, jumbo French-Fried style "chip". "I could murder some wedges mate. Hold the sour cream, don't want to spew."

Zed: The last letter of the alphabet. It gets pronounced differently in Australia, for no good reason I can determine. Aye, Bee, Cee, Dee, Eee, Eff, Gee.... Double You, Eckss, Why, ZED. As in: "Whose motorcycle is that? It's Zed's. Who is Zed? Zed's dead, baby, Zed's dead." Also, the white African horse with the black stripes?" A zeb-brah not a ZEE-Brah. Don't ask me why.

There you have it, my Aye to ZED of Australian terms of phrase, a user's guide to Strine! I'd be remiss however if I neglected our antipodean cousins from New Zealand. They're the Zack of the aNZac name and we're as proud as punch of them, especially when they're not over here collecting welfare and getting famous (I'm looking at you, Russell Crowe). They also talk funny. Here are a few choice terms that spring to mind. Hope they help you communicate with any Kiwis you come across.

Chully bun: "Chilly bin," an ice box, a cooler. "You brought beers? Great, chuck them into the chully bun, bro."

Chup: "Chips," hot chips. In combination with battered deep fried fish, served with vinegar and salt or sauce as "FUSH und CHUPS."

Jandal: A sandal, or flip-flop. Thongs. Footwear, not underwear. "Get your jandals off the table you duffer, here comes the fush und chups."

Sex: The number that comes between five and SIVEN (seven). Play games with your pet Kiwi, get them to order fush and chups for you and your five friends, and get them to repeat the order. "So, it's sex battered pieces of flake. Sex dim sims. Sex pieces of calamari, sex bottles of Coke and a fried pineapple ring for Stevo, you cunt?"

Shear: To cut the wool off a sheep. "No I'm not shearing this sheep with anyone, get your own you randy bastards".

This isn't really a thing, I'm just teasing. It's a common joke between the Aussies and Kiwis. We say that Kiwis are outnumbered by sheep, and farmers get lonely ...

Home Front: Big Dumb Blocks

As first seen on Breach Bang & Clear: Big Dumb Blocks

Following the recent mass-casualty vehicle attacks in Charlottesville and New York City, I'm prompted to finish a piece I've been working on related to these tragic and horrific incidents.

Back in January 2017, a dude out on parole thought he'd dodge a police pursuit by driving through a crowded pedestrian mall in Melbourne on a Friday afternoon during school holidays. Within the thronging crowd, 35 were injured — two critically — and by the end of the rampage, four people (including ten-year-old Thalia Hakin, 22-year old Jess Mudie, 33-year old Matthew Si, and an unidentified 25-year old man) died on the scene.

Five-month-old Zachary Bryant later died in hospital, while his two-year-old sister survived her injuries. Ten days after the attack, 33-year-old Bhavita Patel died in hospital.

Police officers rammed the car and the driver was shot in the arm before being arrested. He was charged with six counts of murder and 28 counts of attempted murder.

Read the full article here on Breach Bang & Clear

Review: Appalling Mall-Minja wall hangers!

Originally posted as part of Breach Bang Clear's ongoing Monday Night Knife Fights series.   

I talk about good knives, swords and axes a fair bit. I'm fan of dense steel with an edge. There's a lot of it out there, some good, some amazing, and some unspeakable trash. It's the latter stuff I want to discuss for a bit.
Lets talk Mall-Ninja wall-hangers. First you might ask, what's a mall-ninja?
A mall ninja is a breed of weapons and combat enthusiast characterized by being so ungrounded in reality as to make even the most hardcore gun nuts shake their heads. Equal parts naïveté, delusion, and obnoxiousness, the mall ninja contributes to countless ill-informed online debates concerning arms, armor, and warfare, and is a common consumer of assorted paramilitary woo, broscience, and shared misconceptions about history and the world. The term "mall ninja" is pejorative; no one self-identifies as such. We hope.
If you're worried there's a simple test you can take to assess your-mall-ninja status.   Good luck.
Now, if you're an avid Master Ken of "Enter the Dojo" disciple, you've probably had all the training and experience you'd need to make your own correct choices when purchasing your own pointies.
When it comes to some real Mall-Ninja wall hanger blade there are some key aspects that seal the classification:

1. Black. Real Ninja's need black weapons for their Tier One Wet Ops. Powder coated, painted, teflon coated, oxidised, it doesn't matter.
2. Cord-wrapped handle. Every real street-samurai wants their blade wrapped samurai style, and that means cord-wrapped.
3. Curves. Like every bad-lady out there it has a curves and every mall-ninja want's a bad lady of their very own.
4. More curves. See Above, but unnecessary curves are even better.
5. Extra cutting surfaces. Primary edges aren't very high speed-low drag. For true body-dropping power, you need blades on all faces.
6. Unnecessary serrations.   It's not a sharks mouth, buddy, its a knife. You need a chainsaw, get a Husky!
7. Tactical sheath. Drop-leg, back-scabbard or just "ballistic nylon".
8. A scary name. "No one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley."Add a few "NINJA, ZOMBIE or DEATHs in there for good measure.

However; there's a lot of shiny bling out there. Here's a quick guide to some examples.

A - Zombie ass kicker. This is a bad-assed blade, but a serious wall-hanger. Extra serrations, extra edges to catch and snag, it's styled after the Aztec war swords to look extra scary. Ribbon-wrapped rather than cord, and a pretty thin, light steel. I don't have much faith in it's utility.
B - Living dead apocalypse full tang ninja sword.  Twin blades are better than one, obviously. Extra curves and serrations along the non-striking edge of the blade, as well as holes cut into the blade to lighten it, adding weakness.
C -"Hunting Knife." Perhaps if you're the Predator tracking Dutch and the other Rescue Team members.. This no-name piece  actually performs pretty well, regardless of its extra curves, useless serrated spine and extra holes. Its "full-tang, one-piece construction" is quite sturdy and the cord wrap handle well done. It's pretty well balanced, well finished, and were not for the extra holes and the saw on the spine, it might not even qualify as a Wall-hanger for Mall-Ninja's were it not for the dual shoulder strap back-holster  and the extra holes.
D - Black legion undead machete. Scary name, and wicked post-apocalyptic hammer finish. Now just add to the list the impressive looking spiked knuckle-guard, the "zombie-green' cord wrap and the drop-leg sheath and you've a "take-em-all-out before they getcha"special to scare mom with if she ever busts in on you practicing kata in the basement. water-bottles and melons of the world beware. To be fair, the blade appears to be well made, but the fitting are a tad flimsy for my tastes.
E - Z-hunter-axe. Not really an axe. Not really a hunting knife. Unnecessary saw-back serrations, extra curves and hooked edges. Great cord-wrapping and a single piece of steel for resilience, with sick jolly roger logo for extra-scary pirate aesthetic. Maybe if you're going from to room on a beached Somali cargo ship? I have a feeling it wouldn't  serve too well dressing a water-buffalo either. But zombies? narp.
F -KA-BAR War sword On first glance, this one looks like a prime candidate for Mall-Ninja wall-hanging.   It's got some curve to it, a lurid green scale grip, for extra zombie killing power, and a fully decked out nylon thigh sheath. However, its a serious work horse of a knife, but the scary name, and green scale gives them the potential for Mall-Ninja wall hanging.
G - Ontario Black Wind. Not every Mall-ninja wants a blingtastic katana straight out of Highlander or Blade. Some might prefer a more-or-less traditional "ninja-to style" short, straight and heavy sword, which is exactly the kind of blade that the Ontario Knife Co. put into Army Disposals and into the pages of martial arts catalogues. This is a bad-ass blade, undeserving of any scorn, and is in fact one of my go-to blades in the event of Apocalypse or civil unrest.  Even with its high-speed looking kydex scabbard,  just too good to be a wall-hanger.
H -Cold Steel Gladius. Last up from my own collection is the hungry-for blood Gladius from Cold Steel. Now, even the mighty Roman armies had their own groupies and  modern-day hangers on, thanks to a steady stream of "sand and sandals" action pictures. The humble Roman ground-pounder was issued one of these Gaul-stickers and bade go forth and pacify the Empire. The modern version hanging on my wall would have been a high-tech marvel of construction but fit in nicely in the shield-wall. I don't recommend trying to take that angle when trying to explain why you have one lashed to your hip with your Company First Sergeant, but, if you wanted a big ass blade for defending the empire "outside the wire" you could do a lot worse than one of these.



Lets take a moment to talk thickness. Cheap blades are often cut or pressed  from sheets of thin steel. This doesn't offer much cutting mass, strength or rigidity, all things I would want in a fighting blade. Different steels have different densities so its hard to gauge what steel is in the kick-ass zombie slayer you found at the disposal store, but the thickness of the blade can be a good indicator. I've found the thinner the blade, the less likely to be a practical tool (unless you're cutting sushi or shaving).



So. My last bit of advice to prospective blade collectors: Buy quality. It needn't be expensive, but should be from a reputable maker, be it a big company or a small smith. Be sure to give your new-found tool a run through its paces, before staking your life on it, (and get some formal training if possible). Don't be a mall-ninja.

Home Front: storm's a commin'

I'm really proud of this post, which I'd delayed publishing for logistical reasons, but found out had been picked up by 5.11 TACTICAL, as a "Breach-Bang-Clear Senior Staff Contributor" , which I am doubly proud of! So, without further ado, here's my take on being ready to be smacked with several mega-storms one after another.

Recent meteorological events in my old hometown of Houston, and the subsequent humanitarian concerns that came with the destructive flooding being experienced in the lowlands of Houston, have all gotten me thinking. Irma GERD is hitting Florida and the Caribbean, and... Well piloted, Captain, Delta DL302!



I've had the good fortune never to have had to evacuate an area, though my family's rapid departure from Dubai on December 31, 1990, some three weeks before one of the grandest fireworks shows in history happened just over the horizon in Iraq, was close. I've also had the need to be ready to go, when I lived in the forested Dandinong ranges following the black Saturday fires of 2012. However, frequent moves and travel while growing up equipped me with a certain mindset. Pack light, take only what you can carry, and carefully choose what valuables you really need. When things took a turn for the worse for me emotionally at the end of my marriage, I packed bags, loaded essentials in my car and was out of there that same evening. Better for everyone in the end. I was lucky that some good friends of mine had a spare room and the open hearts to let me crash with them for a couple of months so I could get my life in order. I'm deeply indebted to the Moffits and will be for some time.

I'd hope that if I lived in a disaster-prone area I'd be ready whenever hurricane, cyclone, tornado or volcano season rolled around, and not only would I have a bugout destination but also a route and plan. However, nature gives not one damn for me or my plans, nor (I suspect) for yours. It's up to you and me to rescue ourselves.



The Houston floods have shown that freak events can essentially turn a modern metropolitan city off, and reduce it to third world status. Without wanting to go into the politics of civil engineering and infrastructure shortfalls, I think it's fair to say that while some of what was happened in Houston or New Orleans could have been mitigated, nature will find a way. So what can we do about it? I think the answer to that is threefold:



1) Threat assessments;
2) Risk mitigation & planning; and
3) Practice.

1) Threat assessment.

Where I live several state and federal agencies exist to deal with this kind of thing. The SES (State Emergency Service) and CFA (Country Fire Authority) have great resources available to determine whether certain areas are at risk from fire or flooding, and can deal with those threats. Victoria has occasional very mild earthquakes, nothing to brag about. We do occasionally get heavy storms pushing up from the Antarctic but again, pretty mild compared to the North Sea gales or Atlantic hurricanes. We're well too far south for any tropical action, unlike our Queensland bretheren. We do get some big winds and heavy rains occasionally though, so in the Hills (to call the Dandinong ranges mountains is generous) power is often cut due to tree-falls. A caved-in roof during a winter storm is never a good thing, nor are washed out roads. In the lowlands that water has to go somewhere, and we are pretty lucky in that current and former governments have maintained infrastructure to deal with it. However. Knowing is the first step.

Melbourne Water is proposing to update existing planning controls for land in Bayside that's susceptible to flooding. The controls, called the Special Building Overlay (SBO) and Land Subject to Inundation Overlay (LSIO), aim to ensure that land covered by the overlays is developed in a way which reduces the potential for flooding and minimises the risk of flood damage to property. Since the planning controls were introduced in the early 2000s, Melbourne Water has developed better mapping and more accurate flood modeling. As a result, the SBO boundaries are being updated and the LSIO removed from the Bayside Planning Scheme.

The changes to the boundaries of the SBO mean that some properties will be within the overlay boundaries for the first time, some properties will no longer be covered, and other partially-included properties may have more or less of their land covered by the overlay.



For properties within the SBO boundaries, a planning permit is required to construct a building, carry out works and subdivide land. This enables drainage and flooding issues to be addressed early in the development process by, for example, raising building floor levels. It also ensures that flood waters are not obstructed or diverted by new development, causing an increased problem for existing development.



2) Risk mitigation & planning.

What are my big threats to house, home and family? Well, my ex-wife and our 9-year old daughter live in the Dandinongs, in the midst of very tall trees in the temperate rainforest. There is a summertime fire risk mitigated by maintenance of the grounds to remove deadfall and reduce fuel sources, plus they have an evacuation plan and use the CFA fire-risk scale system as a guide and routinely "get off the mountain" in times of high risk. In winter they face storms and damage from runoff. Frequent power outages are a hassle, especially as the water to the house is via an electric pump from a rainwater tank. Landslides are a potential risk but more substantial is the risk of a tree falling on the house. Aggressive tree felling is not much of a solution given the local ordinances. When I collect and return our daughter, I'm mindful of the risk of roads being cut by treefall and associated downed power lines or washed out roads, but day to day it's not much of an issue. In the case of my own home, having checked the floodplain maps of the Melbourne Water Board, I can see we're just outside a predicted 100-year flood area. One end of our street is not though, so I'm going to err on the side of "Yep, we'd flood."

Where I live is fairly suburban so I don't have to worry about bushfires come summer, but we're not far from the beach, just above sea level, so a hefty storm surge could potentially reach us. I don't worry about a tidal wave as the Port Phillip Bay is shallow and protects us from the Bass Straight, so anything big enough to cause a tsunami would bring its own special dooms. Knowing that, if a big flood event was coming, or even imminent, our best bet would be to pack up and bug out. The house, being old and rickety, couldn't be trusted to withstand even a knee-deep flood, let alone the hip, head or street sign deep waters as in Houston.



The question then becomes "what to pack?" Assuming the house would be a write off and most of our possessions would get trashed it might be tempting to try to take everything, but that's just impractical. A moving van would be needed and would take a day or two to load up anyway. Alternately, in a "do it NOW" situation, the decisions become easier. Only the most valuable and irreplaceable things would go, as well as things needed to get us through the disaster. Photo albums, back-up HDD's and some heirloom antiques are a good start, along with some important legal documents: deeds, birth certificates, divorce papers and the like. Clothes and day to day essentials like toiletries and medications are no different from any vacation packing and need to be weather appropriate. We'd be bugging out in my Toyota RAV4, not much of a bug-out vehicle but comfortable even crammed full of family and gear when we go on our camping holidays, so we have an idea how to pack it. This brings me to one of my bug-out or camping packing tricks.



Tactical Milk Crates. These seemingly ubiquitous, stackable, skletonised plastic boxes, designed to carry sixteen 2L jugs of milk, are often repurposed as student household furniture and storage. The modularity of these makes them good for packing anything small enough to fit. They'll hold 42 regular 420g-sized cans. That makes for 17kg of beans and diced tomato, in one big water-insoluble brick. That's a lot of meals. Two people could carry it fairly easily between them.


I also pack my camping gear in them: hammocks, lanterns, propane store and fuel canisters, pots and even pans. I have one for sleeping bags, one for power generation technology and one for "household" camp-accessories. Coupling this with our big-assed tent and camp bed, I'd say I could bug out in relative style with my whole family using about six milk crates of gear. The boot of my car can fit none to twelve crates with relative ease, so that leaves us with, let's say, three to six crates worth of refugee loot we can pack and go with, less if we pack extra food and water .



Given those numbers, each member of our four-person family gets about one crate of space as their allowance. Extra space can get stuffed full of blankets and jackets, filling all those gaps and pockets with padding and the like. One thing to note is that milk crates, being skeletonised, are not even remotely waterproof. Lining them or wrapping them with heavy duty trashbags should do the trick, and includes some trashbags in your gear by default.



As an addition to our bugout plan for floods, we have my two-person kayak. Having a non-wading means to cross waterways is key. We have maritime-rated flotation vests for everyone in the family, especially the kids, plus helmets, be they bump or bike helmets (remember: expanded foam floats). Rope and climbing harnesses don't go astray either, and I figure I have enough rigging gear to set up a rope bridge over any river narrow enough to sling one across. Take a page from the SES floodwater guidelines: "Never drive ride or walk through floodwater - if it's flooded, forget it."

Have a go-to destination in mind, maybe more than one, and plan out different routes, in case of traffic snarls, cut roads or bridges or obstacles to your egress. Keep your vehicle fueled and fit for travel. Stock up on packable food. A couple of bricks of cans at your local big-box produce store per trip will put you in good stead.

Bear in mind that in most cases the milk crates yo use stacked behind a grocery store are not abandoned but remain the property of the milk company. That's why I suggest them as as evacuation expedient solution. Should the situation arise getting it done is key. There are commercial options for packing gear, look into those if your budget allows.

http://modernfarmer.com/2013/08/illegal-use-milk-crates-anything-besides-milk/

3. Practice

Evacuations are not easy things; they're panicked, rushed and anxious times. Much like in combat, fine motor skills will be affected, rational thought will be interfered with. Kids will cry. Things will be left behind. Organize your bug-out kit early and have it sorted and ready to go. The more you can do early, the better off you'll be under the pressure of "time to go!" Remember, it's going to be harder if it's night, or storming and wet, more so again if the water is already at your ankles or the embers are falling.



There's no harm in doing dry runs either, especially if you can get the whole household in on it. Packing for a camping trip is a great opportunity to do so, with the payoff of the trip itself and "let's get on the way quickly" as incentive. This needn't be a "duck and cover" air-raid drill with stopwatch and sirens but instead some trial runs, from a dead stop to a "half the gear is already packed." I'll let you gauge how long it will realistically take you to be on your way, with the barest of essentials from when you decide that your position is no longer tenable and it's time to make a move. Make tasty meals from your stashed bug-out meal ingredients to get a handle on what you can do to keep morale up whilst on the go.

Lastly, have plan for your pets. Take them with you, or set them free to fend for themselves, whatever your conscience allows.



Be safe out there, and be prepared.

Review: Savoury Tooth - Not-Sweet bars

Whilst getting ready to get back to work, I went and got some new pants, as I'd lost enough weight that my pant-size had changed. Whilst in Kathmandu looking or suitable pants, I came across some interesting snack-bars and thought I'd give them a go. Given that my job entails me sitting at my desk tapping out code and putting out electronic fires, I eat a lot of food-bars as it's fast and easy. However, mindful of my diet, I was intrigued to see these are not sweet-candy bars like many trail snacks are, I've covered some in the past. The Bounce food-balls and the Blue Dinosaur Paleo Bars which are both good products, but both pretty sugary.




These protein bars are primarily made of a whey protein concentrate purported to lower blood sugar levels when consumed before a high glycemic meal and is the most complete protein.


They feature a polydextrose binding agent, where something like treacle or molasses might be used in other food. The one used in the Savoury Tooth bars is a low GI soluble fiber with prebiotic properties.

It helps to slow down the digestion process alleviating blood sugar spikes. Reducing sugar rush effects.

Heavily spiced, with woo-seeming ingredients like turmeric for its active polyphenol known as curcumin purported to help provide an ideal intervention for type 2 diabetes. Ginger, chilli, cinnamon, coriander, lemongrass and garlic have also been shown to help lower blood sugar levels.




Importantly, these bars taste amazing, and had a really nice texture: Not too hard to bite or chew, but not mushy or pasty. Dense and rich. The seeds included gave each bite a variety of texture. Food fatigue is a real thing, and having some variety makes a lot of difference, remember that when you're loading up your bunker or bug-out bag.

The Svoury Tooth bars come in "Thai Green Curry" and "Thai Peanut Stay". Both really do taster like they are described. For me, after a few chews, and rolled the bite around in my mouth, the flavours emerged and I found myself recalling street meals I had in the streets of Bangkok and Singapore I had growing up. I'd go as far as to say these were authentic flavours, from my non-native pallet. Jut a hint of spice, certainly enough to get the mouth juices flowing, but not so much as to drive me to rinse my mouth out or reach for he milk. Certainly enough to satisfy the Texan in my culinary history. Not Jakarta Crazy-Wings hot, by a long shot, but not Vanilla thickshake either.

From a nutritional perspective, the

Savoury Tooth protein bars are great after any workout. Each 50g bar offer s 870kJ of energy, or 10% of a 2000cal daily diet. 21-19% of the protein intake 13% of the fat and 6% of the carbs. There is quite a lot packed into these little bars, but the heavy seed and spice content, the bars come with a reasonably short best-before dates, ofonbly a few months as the rich aromatics would age poorly.

I've found the couple I bought to be very tasty and fun to eat and a perfect break from other sweet snacks. Not as satisfying as beef-jerky, but still, a good pre-packaged snack.

The advertising was great too, these post-cards made me chuckle even months later when I pulled them out.



Low in sugar, with complex carbs, high in protein, and dietary fiber, Gluten free these seem to be really viable healthy alternatives to other candy-like sports and protein bars. I'm not a big fan of woo, and straight edge vegan, paleo lifestyles, but these healthy bars don't wrankle me as soy-based, cruelty-free fair-trade hippie-bars might, they are more the granola eating, merino-wool beanie mountain climber food. plenty of bang for your mass!

Review: khukri

One of the first "real" pieces of weapon-steel I ever bought for myself was a khukri that I purchased on-auction back in 1997, with wages from a part time job I had at the time. It was a WW2 era Gurkah blade and was only listed as a "good" condition, but that was good enough for me!

The khukri is a traditional knife design from Nepal, where it is as much a piece of farm equipment, or household knife as it is a weapon. It fills the same niche as the machete does in the America's or Africa. It's a simple, uncomplicated blade that is up to the task of rugged, daily rural use.

Read the rest here on Breach Bang Clear! 


 .

They still work just fine and in fact, effortlessly bit into this beam, and I felt that in 5 or 6 chops, I could have parted it. Typically khukri's have a partial tang, which is burned into the wooden handle and glued in with pitch. I can tell you, that at 60+ years old, this blade was hungry for chopping, with not a wiggle or shake.

Talkin' Strayin! (Aussie Slang, A through D)

So, some of you readers may have noticed a slight antipodean lilt to my writing's accent. It's not all con. I spell aluminium and colour weird, and you should wait till you hear me talk! I confuse people all over the world, with my mixed up spoken vernacular and messed up "vaguely "not from roun' here accent.... that said, I feel maybe I can add something to common understanding, and perhaps improve international relations by offering a quick overview of some of the more colourful idioms of common Australian conversation you might come across if you get stationed with some, or even just shoulder up to one of our innumerate backpackers at a bar somewhere cheap and dingy ...


Now, Australians are renowed for being fairly potty-mouthed, and I hope you're adult enough to handle rude word on the internet. if not, go check out the fun kids on 4Chan, but the key is that its all in good context (we hope).

First up: "Ozzies" vs "Aussies." It's pronounced like OZZY OSBOURNE, not HOUSE_EEEEE or AHHHWWW-SEEEE


I'm going to cover some simpler terms and phrases that may confuse and conflate your communications, then explain and use them in context.

Agro: aggravated (abbreviated). "Hey don't get all agro with me mate, not my fault you didn't pack wet weather gear."
Arvo: afternoon (abbreviated). "Hey Cheer up rain should clear by tomorrow arvo!"
Average: sub-standard. Poor performance. Sarcasm. "Thanks mate, the forecast has been pretty average this whole trip."
Bags: to call claim on, like dibbs. "Chicken's here. Bags the drumsticks!"
Battler: an underdog struggling on regardless. "Get a load of these poor battlers. Cold, wet, miserable, and not a Nintendo DS amongst them."
Boff: to have casual sex. "So there we were in the middle of the storm, just battling on, then these two just boffed right there on the pool table, lights out for miles around."
Bottl-o: abbreviation of Bottle-shop, a Liquor store. "Let's swing past the bottle-o on the way and grab some beers for the party, mate."
Bogan: a uncouth and uncultured ruffian (from Boggan, a kind of troll/gnome). "Man, the bottle-o was full of bogans, huffing paint."
Bloody: an verbal amplifier. "That wasn't just a good concert mate, it was bloody brilliant!"
Bloody brilliant: very good. "So there we were in the middle of the storm, just battling on, then these two just boffed right there on the pool table, lights out for miles around. It was bloody brilliant!"
Barbie: a BBQ grill (charcoal or gas), or the act of cooking at one at a party. "Bloody brilliant barbie, mate. We're just gonna swing past the bottle-o for some more beers."
Bastard: a person who is unliked or unlikable. They may also be a dear friend or no relation at all. May also be an insult to someone being a prick. "Look at all these bastards, trying to merge into the off-ramp. Some poor bastard must have had a bingle up ahead in all the rain. And there's this bastard. Leaning out to take pictures on his bloody phone...get yer head in, ya' soppy cunt."
Bunnings Sausage sizzle: Bunnings, a big hardware/lumber chain, puts on sausage BBQs for local charities. For a "gold coin" ($1/$2) you can get a sausage, and sauce on a slice of buttered white bread. Grilled onions and soft drinks extra. Makes a weekend hardware crafting run a dining experience. "After Davo's piss-up barbie on Friday night we had to swing past Bunnings to replace the busted lawn chairs. Sausage sizzle was lifesaving hangover cure, mate."
Bludge: to be lazy and skate or shirk work or effort. Often in relation to the unemployed. "That bludger say he can't work because of his back but I saw him playing footy." It's a serious insult to call someone a bludger, suggesting they're shirking duty or leaving others to do the work, which is rather in-Australian.
Barrack: to support or cheer for a side. To "root" has a different meaning to Aussies. "I started off barracking for the Bulldogs like my dad but they're crap so I switched to the Mighty Magpies. They're doing bloody brilliant this season."
Cobber: a guy, a dude, a fella. "That cobber is a true blue battler. Right as rain he is."
Chuck: to vomit. "After the piss-up at Tommo's I didn't think I'd ever eat again. I even chucked when we drove past the Bunnings Sausage Sizzle."
Chucking a na-na: - temper tantrum. From baNA-NA . "The Sergeant Major chucked a right na-na after his dog ran in front of the convoy. Squashed flat it was."
Chucking a wobbly: see chucking a na-na .
Chucking / hanging a U-ey: making a U-turn whilst driving. No drifting or bootlegger turns required, but sound effects welcome.
Dag: the matted faecal matter hanging from the back of a sheep. A mild jibe to indicate someone is bit lame or uncool. Suitable for schoolteachers to address wayward kids. Equivalent to Huckleberry or dingleberry. "Take those off, you big dag. Who wears sunglasses inside at night?"
Cunt: derisive insult. Nowhere near as taboo a term in Australian culture as in American. It's still not nice conversation, but not a deadly insult either. "Sure, my dad's a bit of a cunt, but at least he's not a bloody bludger like yours."
Dart: a cigarette. Often hand rolled. "Chuck us a dart mate, I'm off for a smoko."
Dobbing: telling on someone; finking/tattling/ratting on. For personal gain. Viewed with much contempt. "It was a total bludge job mate, right until those dobbers from level seven chucked a wobbly."
Dead set: True, dependable, fixed or sturdy, decided or final. "If you're dead set on crossing the Nullarbor in that junk heap, you might want to chat to Ol' one-eye Joe, first. Fella is a dead-set legend in these parts, mate."
Don't come the raw prawn with me: don't try to fool me in an area I'm experienced in. "I need the carburetor for a 1968 Holden Commodore. Don't come the raw prawn with me, mate, that one's for a 1972 Ford Fairlane".
Democracy sausages: voting in Australia is compulsory. To help reduce the sting of having to waste perfectly good Saturday mornings, it's traditional for polling stations to also host a sausage sizzle and bake sale on election day. "I don't care which of the bastards wins, I got me my Democracy sausage so I'm good for four years."
Dog and bone: telephone. Rhyming slang. "One of those bastards from level seven on the dog and bone again, dobbing on the bludgers from section three. AGAIN. AVERAGE."
Donger: A penis. "She threw him the can, but it was wet from the Esky, right? So I slipped it and it got him right on the donger, pinned him to the chair it did, thought he mighta spewed right there at the table."
Drongo: a mild insult, equivalent to a dumbass.
Durry: a cigarette. abbreviated from Dunhill. "give us a fuckin' Durry, ya cunt"
Dry as a dead dingos donger: thirsty. Dingos (the semi-native wild dog) which die of dehydration, often get baked into hairy jerky by the unforgiving Australian sun. "Pass me a beer, mate, this one's as dry as a dead dingo's donger."

SDI

And for your further education here is some of the above in play, by contemporary real Australian comedians: Neel Kolhatkar and the Aussie Man....

australia is not racist ..
aussie compliments
aussie insults
australia in 2x minutes
australian media
more australia in 2 minutes


aussie man reviews
aussie man reviews uncovered

Enjoy!!

(Stay tuned for F-N and M-Z)

Review: Grey Ghost Gear - 6x8 Utility Pouch

I took a bunch of Grey Ghost Gear pouches out for a hike up the easy daytrip, but possibly haunted Hanging Rock State Park, with my family, I wore pouches which I fitted out with a variety of hiking goods, in order to carry whatever needfulls I might have needed on the trip.

The pouches were filled with a variety of hiking goods, whatever I might have needed on the trip. One pouch I used was the 6×8 Utility Pouch .

The 6x8 Utility Pouch is designed to hold a variety of items, from medical supplies, a 1 quart GI canteen, Nalgene bottle, or other miscellaneous items. I put a 1L Nalgene in mine, as I wanted to stay hydrated on my hike up and down, as well as any clambering I'd be doing.  Up and down rockfaces, into ravines and meandering through the alpine bush.

Read the rest of the review here on Breach Bang & Clear: 






The pouch held up pretty well on my trip, and since, although I found that the 1L Nalgene bottle was a snug fit, and made for a tight zippering, which meant that a couple of times if I didn't zip it up tight it came loose, but I caught it before I lost my bottle. A 1 quart canteen fit easily enough, but I wanted more capacity than that.

Thanks to Anthony for the photography! You'll be seeing more of his work in this series...

ReBlog: SBTactical – iCombat

Here’s a piece I thought might be of interest to some, that I wrote for Breach Bang & Clear. Training is a key element both for honing existing skills, but also good training requires you to try out new situations and learn new skills sets. You really want to practice as realistically as you can, but no one wants to damage their training partners. When that happens you get a lot less volunteers, and since we don’t have a Running Man style “volunteer” program and want reproducible scenarios, we turn to simulation. But we wish we could use prisoners like in the movies.

AirSoft type equipment, paintball and MILES gear have all brought different tools to the table, as have the minds behind the iCOMBAT technology and training systems. My contacts recently put me in touch with SBTactical, a veteran owned and operated business out of Santa Barbara, California. As the National Law Enforcement and Professional distributors of iCOMBAT equipment, they are 100% committed to serving those who serve.

“With over 40+ combined years of planning, resourcing, and conducting training, we are confident that we are the right team to meet your needs,” SBTactical says. SBT’s experience plus iCOMBAT’s technology leave no training question unanswered. “With SBTactical you will replicate, not simulate, the situations your officers will encounter. Every day we strive to advance your organizations training to the next level. SBTactical’s mission is to Replicate real world scenarios, reduce training costs, and maximize training time,” SBT says.

So how do they deliver?

The iCOMBAT technology is a weapon, sensor and control system. It currently offers an M4 style weapon and a Glock style weapon, to better replicate weapons common among police and military units.

Red the full article on Breach Bang & Clear, here...







and have a laugh at me getting zapped by the pain-belt here:

Reblogging: Improvised Tanks for Tank Week

Here's a piece I wrote for Breach Bang & Clear

“Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.” ― H.L. Mencken, Prejudices: First Series

... and at times you want more than just a mean look and the occasional sandbag to be between you and harms way. Sometimes you want to call on the thunder of armour. However, you might not have the power of the military-industrial complex behind you. You might only have the local scrapyard, oxy-torches, sheet metal, and an innovative spirit.

Currently the world's undersupplied warfighters are inventing all kinds of home-brew armour options, and we've been lucky enough to catch a glimpse of them over the last few years. And I must say, we're lucky to have only been catching glimpses and not rolling into battle in them. Let's check a few out.

 

This is the SHAM II, a proudly "100 percent made in Syria" improvised armored vehicle. Put together by Syrian rebels of the Al-Ansar brigade, in Bishqatin, four kms west of Aleppo, it came to the world's attention on December 8, 2012.

Built on an old car chassis and covered in 25mm thick steel walls, it was reportedly able to resist up to 23mm cannon fire. At only 2m wide and 4m long, this is no Abrams. It is, however, fitted with a remote-operated (by a hotwired Playstation remote of all things) 7.62mm machine gun on top. It also has five cameras that give the humans inside a view from all angles.

In one of the original interviews, its primary operator said ‘This is my brother, a trained engineer, who got the idea, we got a car, left its diesel motor on the chassis and built the engine. Not including from the gun, the vehicle costs about £6,200($10,000)." This gives you an understanding of what these folks are doing with their spare time.

Read the rest here at Breach Bang & Clear:

Review: Agalite Wind Warrior jacket

It's been a cold winter and I've covered my very cool Baubax jacket which has pretty much been my go-to for all my outdoors activity this winter, but it's feature rich design actually limits it in some instances; its a bit big and bulky, and has too much going on. Sometimes, quite often in fact, I want something simple and flare-free. I was blessed with a care package from my lads at Breach, Bang & Clear in the form of this spiffy jacket from Agalite, emblazoned with the BB&C logo. It arrived over -my- summer, so I didn't get much use from it for a few months.

Once everything stopped burning all the time here, and the cold and wet set in, I found myself pulling this jacket out every now and then, and then it came to be my go-to travel-jacket, living in my SUV for any time I was out and about and the weather took a turn. Which it does all the time in Melbourne, comically.

This is the Agilite Wind Warrior fleece jacket which was "designed to keep Israeli Military Operators warm during static operations". That should tell you a few things about it for a start.

It is built from 3 thermal layers including a wind-blocking internal membrane that keeps out cold winds. Fleece inside and out it's soft and snug with that instant warm feeling you get with a high density fleece. However its that inner windproof layer that really makes the jacket what it is. I've never had  a soft-shell jacket that cuts the wind like this. It's much more like a hard-shell. In fact, I actually had problems with overheating and sweating on my back and arms, in milder weather. That's probably my biggest fault with it.

It doesn't breathe. I've put it back on later to find it still wet on the inside, which might be a problem for proper sub-freezing cold-weather users.

A chest pocket on the left breast is quite spacious, certainly big enough for a phone, documents and the like. The choice of fabric change for this panel was a little strange, I guess it makes it lighter, but I don't see the need for it. The zipper is nice, and fits into the folds, out of the way until needed. The right sleeve has a bicep pocket, and whilst I rarely use these, I found it well placed, and unobtrusive.

The sleeves themselves were well fitted, and a good length, something I often have troubles with my extra-long arms, with elasticised cuffs to seal out the wind. I found I couldn't push the sleeves up very much, due to the tailoring but given its designed purpose, this isn't too much of a big deal.
Both biceps also feature broad square loop-fields, allowing considerable amounts of patch-goodness to be attached, I really appreciate a bit of real-estate here, for bigger morale patches, or combinations. The loop-fields are also really well colour matched, so they fade into the rest of the jacket nicely when unadorned, both in tone and also in tailoring.

The main zipper comes up nicely, even when the jacket is fully closed, another aspect where the tailoring has been really well thought out. You get a good close seal, without it being restrictive or obtrusive into the throat.
This also covers the waistline, which is another aspect that I often get caught out with, but the shock-corded waistline keeps draughts out and my kidneys snug. The jacket lacks fancy features like a hood, internal pockets, or a variety of other extra features sometimes seen. However, it has properly lined pockets which I'm only too happy to be allowed to make full use of on cold mornings.
It's also light, and packs down really well, which is a bonus for when it warms up and you shed it. The jacket has lived in the back seat of my SUV for months now, served as both blanket and pillow on a number of occasions, as well as keeping me from shivering on a number of occasions. If you're looking for a light, well put together and simple wind-killing jacket, you could do a lot worse than this offering from Agalite. Go scorpion or go home.